on suicide...

(Original post 8/13/14)

Monday the world lost an incredibly talented comedian, Robin Williams. 

The loss itself has stunned an insurmountable number of people. Both children and adults have been witness to his comedic interludes in movies from Aladdin, to Good Morning Vietnam, from Mrs. Doubtfire to Dead Poet's Society, from The Birdcage to What Dreams May Come. Never did one leave a theater/couch/bedside after any one of those films without the echo of laughter or the dried trail of a tear. One thing Robin Williams was exceptional at, in any context, was getting us to feelsomething, and typically (even if through tears) it was something good. Love, laughter, connection,  worth, etc... Never was his humor out of malice. It was always poking fun at the reality that, hey, no one is perfect, and here's how we know. 

Sadly the news and information surrounding his death has been somewhat controversial. The cause of his death was by suicide, and that has initiated an uproar of negative responses, to not only Williams professionally, but also personally. A co-worker of mine shared with me yesterday that radio announcers on Denver's 105.9 were not wanting to "draw attention" to his death as it was a "selfish act" that should not receive accolades. What many may not know (or certainly understand) is the fact that Williams had been struggling with depression and addiction for decades. The impact that depression can have on a person is not for the faint of heart... and if any good can come out of this tragic loss, I am hopeful that it will shine some light on how severe depression can be.

The first failure of our society is how we both use and react to the word depressed. It is thought of often as a "mild case of the Mondays" or even as "just a bump in the road." Sure that can be some people's experience of depressive feelings, but if that is the extent to which you are feeling discomfort, consider yourself lucky. Those who make decisions to end their own lives... this is not their experience (typically.)

Being that suicide is so readily misunderstood, stigmas are attached to the "whys" about it. Is the threat of suicide scary? YES! Absolutely. It is frightening to know that we all have the control to choose whether or not to remain in this life. Is a participant in a suicidal act selfish? Absolutely not, though many of the survivors of suicide may feel this way because of the pain they undergo due to their loved one's suicide. That was (and often still is) my reaction to my own good friend's suicide in 2001. To be honest, I a part of me is still angry with him for leaving. I feel like I know what he is missing, and that he should be here to experience it all. The shooting star I saw leaving Red Rocks the other night was incredible. The taste of the Cuban Sandwich at Hops & Pie is bucket list worthy. These small details seem like reason enough to stick around... and then consider all of his relationships. Yet, by comparison, I cannot say that I understand what his experience of life was... realistically... because he struggled with undiagnosed depression.

Suicide can be a response to many things. In many cases of suicide, the experience of the person attempting or completing the act is more painful than what the majority of us can ever fully understand. In most cases, folks struggle with depression. Depression is an illness. It is not a mood swing. It is not a bad day. It is not just feeling sorry for yourself. Depression is a darkness. It is a weight. It is all consuming. It can be stepping into a world that is full of constant discomfort, physical pain, and exhaustion. William Styron in Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness describes the reality of his experience of depression, struggle with addiction, and taking his own life. Through his account, he attempts to expose the realities of depression to those who may not understand the power of its grasp. “It is a positive and active anguish, a sort of psychical neuralgia wholly unknown to normal life.”   

Yes, suicide is an issue in our society that has increased in both attempts and completions rather dramatically in recent years, especially in younger populations. Does talking about it increase the likelihood that children and adults are going to utilize that as an option for dealing with hardship?Absolutely not. In fact, talking more about suicide may decrease the number of those participating in suicidal acts. Looking back at my grieving, young adult self, I wish I had known more how to help the friend that I had lost. Suicide was so "hush-hush." It was the stuff found in lowered voices and whispers at dusk... the phone call that ends in silence, the funeral service that is host to really  not knowing what to say... But maybe if we talked about it... people would ask for help, or we would be able to provide it readily. Knowing the resources in your area, warning sigs of both depression and suicide risk, opening up dialogue, de-stigmatizing depression, and providing support  by listening to friends and family members who are struggling are likely to help individuals manage their feelings of hopelessness, isolation, and exhaustion. The more we talk about things, the less ashamed people might be about their difficult experiences, and the more likely they are to seek out help.

Below is an additional article discussing more specifics... and then, following, a link to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. Please check these out. 

http://www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2014/aug/12/robin-williams-suicide-and-depression-are-not-selfish

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Moreover... a note to Robin Williams. Thank you for your courage to stay with us as long as you did. The world is a little less bright without you in it. I hope from the deepest part of my soul that you have found some peace. May we all learn from your gifts and your struggle to better the experiences of others in the future. RIP

'My battles with addiction definitely shaped how I am now. They really made me deeply appreciate human contact. And the value of friends and family, how precious that is'
- Robin Williams

May you help to remind us...

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