 (Original post 8/13/14)
Monday the world lost an incredibly talented comedian, Robin Williams. The loss itself has stunned an insurmountable number of people. Both children and adults have been witness to his comedic interludes in movies from Aladdin, to Good Morning Vietnam, from Mrs. Doubtfire to Dead Poet's Society, from The Birdcage to What Dreams May Come. Never did one leave a theater/couch/bedside after any one of those films without the echo of laughter or the dried trail of a tear. One thing Robin Williams was exceptional at, in any context, was getting us to feelsomething, and typically (even if through tears) it was something good. Love, laughter, connection, worth, etc... Never was his humor out of malice. It was always poking fun at the reality that, hey, no one is perfect, and here's how we know. Sadly the news and information surrounding his death has been somewhat controversial. The cause of his death was by suicide, and that has initiated an uproar of negative responses, to not only Williams professionally, but also personally. A co-worker of mine shared with me yesterday that radio announcers on Denver's 105.9 were not wanting to "draw attention" to his death as it was a "selfish act" that should not receive accolades. What many may not know (or certainly understand) is the fact that Williams had been struggling with depression and addiction for decades. The impact that depression can have on a person is not for the faint of heart... and if any good can come out of this tragic loss, I am hopeful that it will shine some light on how severe depression can be. The first failure of our society is how we both use and react to the word depressed. It is thought of often as a "mild case of the Mondays" or even as "just a bump in the road." Sure that can be some people's experience of depressive feelings, but if that is the extent to which you are feeling discomfort, consider yourself lucky. Those who make decisions to end their own lives... this is not their experience (typically.) Being that suicide is so readily misunderstood, stigmas are attached to the "whys" about it. Is the threat of suicide scary? YES! Absolutely. It is frightening to know that we all have the control to choose whether or not to remain in this life. Is a participant in a suicidal act selfish? Absolutely not, though many of the survivors of suicide may feel this way because of the pain they undergo due to their loved one's suicide. That was (and often still is) my reaction to my own good friend's suicide in 2001. To be honest, I a part of me is still angry with him for leaving. I feel like I know what he is missing, and that he should be here to experience it all. The shooting star I saw leaving Red Rocks the other night was incredible. The taste of the Cuban Sandwich at Hops & Pie is bucket list worthy. These small details seem like reason enough to stick around... and then consider all of his relationships. Yet, by comparison, I cannot say that I understand what his experience of life was... realistically... because he struggled with undiagnosed depression. Suicide can be a response to many things. In many cases of suicide, the experience of the person attempting or completing the act is more painful than what the majority of us can ever fully understand. In most cases, folks struggle with depression. Depression is an illness. It is not a mood swing. It is not a bad day. It is not just feeling sorry for yourself. Depression is a darkness. It is a weight. It is all consuming. It can be stepping into a world that is full of constant discomfort, physical pain, and exhaustion. William Styron in Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness describes the reality of his experience of depression, struggle with addiction, and taking his own life. Through his account, he attempts to expose the realities of depression to those who may not understand the power of its grasp. “It is a positive and active anguish, a sort of psychical neuralgia wholly unknown to normal life.” Yes, suicide is an issue in our society that has increased in both attempts and completions rather dramatically in recent years, especially in younger populations. Does talking about it increase the likelihood that children and adults are going to utilize that as an option for dealing with hardship?Absolutely not. In fact, talking more about suicide may decrease the number of those participating in suicidal acts. Looking back at my grieving, young adult self, I wish I had known more how to help the friend that I had lost. Suicide was so "hush-hush." It was the stuff found in lowered voices and whispers at dusk... the phone call that ends in silence, the funeral service that is host to really not knowing what to say... But maybe if we talked about it... people would ask for help, or we would be able to provide it readily. Knowing the resources in your area, warning sigs of both depression and suicide risk, opening up dialogue, de-stigmatizing depression, and providing support by listening to friends and family members who are struggling are likely to help individuals manage their feelings of hopelessness, isolation, and exhaustion. The more we talk about things, the less ashamed people might be about their difficult experiences, and the more likely they are to seek out help. Below is an additional article discussing more specifics... and then, following, a link to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. Please check these out. http://www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2014/aug/12/robin-williams-suicide-and-depression-are-not-selfish Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Moreover... a note to Robin Williams. Thank you for your courage to stay with us as long as you did. The world is a little less bright without you in it. I hope from the deepest part of my soul that you have found some peace. May we all learn from your gifts and your struggle to better the experiences of others in the future. RIP 'My battles with addiction definitely shaped how I am now. They really made me deeply appreciate human contact. And the value of friends and family, how precious that is' - Robin Williams May you help to remind us...
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 (Original posting, 8/11/14)
Ever felt like your life has taken a turn for the worse... totally out of your control? Potentially ever considered "Why does this $%@#% continue to happen to me? Sure... right? We all have days like these... However, there are a handful of folks out there who live their lives this way... constantly blaming the world or others for their woes. No judgment. Seriously. None at all. We all have reasons for the things that we do, the beliefs that we have, the ways that we navigate the world. All of our behaviors are dictated by something. So often the strategies that we use to deal with life are purely there for survival's sake. Biologically, we do things to protect ourselves or improve our survival... For example, when we are tired, we tend to eat foods that are high in sugar or carbohydrates frequently throughout the day. This is not because we are irresponsible (well perhaps we were the night before when we did not get to bed on time), but this eating/ craving is our bodies way of getting us to function effectively throughout the day. Is it healthy for us? No. BUT it is something that we intrinsically do to try and "take care" or ourselves. Emotionally, we have similar tendencies. We will protect ourselves from hurt, shame, pain, angst, in a number of ways (both conscious and unconscious). More often than not our emotional patterns do serve us... or at least it they have before. Any patterns of behavior that you experience when it comes to relationship? Dealing with stress? Confronting someone you care about? Ooooooh yeaaaaah... see we all deal with things like this. Unfortunately, once these patterns have successfully diverted pain, presence, vulnerability, what have you... it becomes a STRATEGY, and we use it... all. the. time... sometimes on a conscious level... sometimes not... Occasionally, we need to become aware of the pattern itself, when it emerges, and why in order to further our happiness, success, contentment. Most times we have no idea... People who are often described as "negative" may fall under this umbrella (not always, but sometimes) and the consequence to negativity, it breeds negativity... In recent years there has been a lot of attention given to "the law of attraction," essentially a theory developed by a multitude of psychologists that suggests that your patterns of thinking often draws or attracts certain congruent things your way. If you feel like it's always sunny in Philadelphia... chances are your perception may very well make it so. Conversely, if you feel as though the world is a constant obstacle to your happiness, chances are that will also be the case... It is an interesting idea... theory... concept... Often I do find that when I am down, skeptical, or even feeling thwarted, I consequently seem to have a more difficult time all around. When I am happier or feeling more positive, generally speaking, about my life, things appear brighter. Now... is this actually due to positive thinking?? Or not...? There is a lot that suggests that it may very well be the power of your thoughts. The article below provides more in depth information about how to attempt to change your negative thinking, and even identify if you are one who tends to get swayed towards darker thoughts and, thus in theory, a darker perception of your life context. Regardless of the ultimate outcome, practicing seeing things more positively cannot hurt. I mean, if you had the choice, would you rather hang with Debbie Downer or Richard Simmons? Granted, neither may be your ultimate ideal, but... consider it... for a moment... http://themindunleashed.org/2013/09/how-negative-energy-affects-your-life.html If you have yet to see the movie What the ^*#$@$ do we know? I suggest you do because it also causes you to question the validity of thought, perception, and outcome... (Original posting 8/2/14) It takes real courage to speak up, especially in a culture that is still learning to embrace differences; things that go against the grain, the "abnormal." So proud of this family's ability to embrace their child for who they are, and recognize that there are "no strings attached" to parenting. If only we all had the capacity to face challenge and strife this way, by truly and unselfishly listening. The alarming statistics in the increase in suicide attempts in young people ages 8-14 makes this family even more heroic, especially when also considering the presence of suicidal thoughts in the transgendered community. My heart goes out to the Whittingon's and there attempt to make their voice heard by going viral...  (Original posting 8/2/14)
So often I see kiddos and adults paused, hovering over their small, lighted devices as the waking world around them passes them by. A missed green flash (at sunset), chance meeting, moment of awe inspiring witness (like the paper bag bouncing back and forth in the wind in the film American Beauty). And yet, hover still we do... finding out what we need to know right now! Texting a friend meaningless garble, or checking Facebook, because God forbid we don't stay connected... I am just as guilty. On a recent road trip to Kentucky I found myself constantly checking my phone to see if anything important had happened... Back when we didn't even have cell phones, what was happening somewhere else did not seem to matter so much... now, not so. Though I find some of this wisdom (Google) that we now have endless access to benefiting our growing wealth of knowledge, there are some very devastating things occurring simultaneously. Not only are we not aware of what is in front of us, we are also involuntarily changing the make up of our brains. This is especially cautionary when considering brain development in children. Hopefully, you are reading this from your desktop, and if you're not, chances are... you're missing something... A reminder that technology may have further implications on brain development than we thought... http://m.2machines.com/articles/181304.html Here I begin a new blog adventure... Some of these initial blogs were posted a while ago under another blog title, yet they still feel relevant. I will share ideas, practices, and words that I have found useful and helpful in navigating both the field of psychotherapy as well as my experience and exploration on "being." Please note that no cases will be reviewed here. What I explore will incorporate practices I have found helpful in navigating all the parts of life.
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Averill Hovey, MA, MA, LPC, EMDR, RYTArt Psychotherapist and Licensed Professional Counselor ArchivesCategories |
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